بابا و دخترش

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

حرفهای بالای 18 سال ;-)


اون ماجرای سفیر اسراییلی که پلیس لخت و خراب پیداش کرده بود رو بلاخره امروز تو اینترنت پیدا کردم. ماجرا از این قراره که جناب ایشون که برای اولین بار به سمت سفیر به یک کشور خارجی اعزام می شند رو یک روز پلیس مست و لخت و عور توی حیاط خونه اش پیدا می کنه که تنها چیزی که تن اش بوده همون تسمه های چرمی معروفی بوده که توی شکل می بینید. تازه وقتی پلیس اون گوی بزرگ رو از دهن ایشون بیرون کشیده جناب سفیر قادر به حرف زدن شده و خودش رو معرفی کرده. فعلا که در اولین اقدام ایشان به کشور متبوع فراخوانده شده و احتمالا همانجا خواهد ماند
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اون جوک 3 تا بچه مدرسه ای یک قسمت دوم هم داره که بازم تو وبلاگ هاله نوشتم. اگه طالبید بشتابید!
****
ببینم کسی از شما تعبیر خواب و این قضایا رو بلده؟ دیشب یه خوابی دیدم صبح که برای عیال تعریف کردم با ... (از آوردن نام وسیله مورد بحث به جهت بد اموزی معذوریم) تهدید به قتلم کرد! شما ها اگه چیزی می دونید یه ندایی بدید:
دیشب خواب دیدم که رفته بودم خواستگاری یه خانمی که به نظر آشنا می آمد (نمی دونم تو دنیای واقعی دیده بودم اش یا مجازی) داشتیم با هم حرف می زدیم که خدمتکار خونه آمد ما رو دید . متاسفانه شرایط یک کمی همچین مشکوک آمیز بود (بابا فقط یک کمی ... شما چرا اینقدر اخلاق تون فاسده) خلاصه بنده رو راهنمایی کردند خدمت جناب پدر که شخص بسیار خوب و نازنینی بود از همونهایی که یک رب دشامبر قهوه ای و پیپ و ریش پرفسوری و سری کمی تا اندکی خلوت دارند! خلاصه ایشون هم بنده رو اشتباهی به جای یکی دیگه از دوست پسر های دختر شون که فرزند یکی از کارخانه داران معروف بود گرفتند و مقادیر متنابهی در باب ازدواج و تجارت و شراکت بعد از اون داد سخن دادند . تا اینکه بنده با لطافت موضوع رو به ایشون حالی کردم و فلنگ رو بستم. حالا می شه لطفا یک شیر پاک خورده ای که دست اش تو رمل و اسطرلاب هم هست یه ندایی بده ببنیم این ارجیف سر پیری یعنی چی؟


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یادم نبود وبلاگ هاله تو ایران فیل تره اصل هر دوتا جوک رو اینجا بخونید:
جوک اول :
می گند یه روز ۳ تا پسر مدرسه ای دیر می رسند کلاس. معلم شون می گه حسن تو چرا دیر آمدی ؟ حسن می گه خانم ما توی راه یک کار خداپسندانه کردیم.
معلم: چه کاری؟
حسن: خانم اجازه ! یک پیرزنی این ور خیابون بود ما دست اش رو گرفتیم بردیم اش اونور
معلم: خوب اشکالی نداره تو برو بشین. حسین تو چرا دیر آمدی؟
حسین : خانم اجازه ما هم داشتیم به حسن کمک می کردیم.
معلم: طوری نیست تو هم برو بشین. شهرام تو چرا دیر کردی؟
شهرام: خانم اجازه ما هم داشتیم به این دوتا کمک می کردیم.
معلم: ببینم یه پیرزن رو بردن اونطرف خیابون که این همه کمک نمی خواد
شهرام: آخه خانم شما که نمی دونید . پیرزنه نمی خواست بره... کلی مقاومت می کرد... سه تا یی مجبور شدیم به زور ببریم اش

جوک دوم:
اون سه تا پسر بچه مدرسه ای رو که یادتونه . یه روزی هر سه تا داشتند می رفتند مدرسه که چشمشون می افته به یه پیرزن ... نه بابا این که جوک اولی بود ... آره چشمشون می افته به یه خانمی که توی بالکن خونه شون حموم آفتاب گرفته بوده ... سه تایی وایمستند به تماشا که یک دفعه یکی شون ( مثلا شهرام) شروع می کنه به دویدن اون دوتای دیگه هم هرچی می دوند تا خود مدرسه به اش نمی رسند... فردا دوباره همین ماجرا تکرار می شه تا اینکه روز سوم اون دوتای دیگه قرار می زارند که نزارند شهرام دربره برای همین وقتی می خواسته دربره هر دوتا دستاشو می گیرند به اش می گند کجا ؟ چرا تو همیشه می زاری در میری؟
شهرام می گه: آخه مامانم گفته اگه به زن نامحرم نگاه کنم سنگ می شم
اون دوتا می گند : برو بابا اینها همه اش حرفه
شهرام: نه به جون بابام. من دارم سنگ شدن رو احساس می کنم

این هم جوک سوم ( تا سه نشه بازی نشه): از ستاد حاکم بزرگ =می تی کامون اطلاع دادند که قزوینی ها نشان حاکم بزرگ رو دزدیدند . لذا تا اطلاع ثانوی با دیدن نشان می تی کامون احترام نگذارید.!

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چلچله ها دیگه می تونید دستاتون از تو گوش تون دربیارید (مطالب بد آموزی دارش دیگه تموم شد) و برید شاد باشید و شادی کنید که تا آمدن بهار فقط 6 روز دیگه مونده

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می‌گم تو که اهل شکم‌ای واسه شب‌چره چی بگیرم که همچی غم دوری عیال رو سبک بکنه برام؟ دارم می‌رم خرید.

این جک‌ات خدائی‌اش خیلی بانمکه. من قسمت اول رو شنیده بودم ولی دوم رو نه.

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